The Difference Between Understanding and Knowing
July 2026
Recently, I have become interested in the difference between understanding something and truly knowing it. We often use these words interchangeably, but I have come to think they describe two very different experiences.
Many of us already understand the changes we want to make. We know exercise is good for us. We know healthier boundaries would improve our relationships. We know we would probably feel better if we were less critical of ourselves or more honest with the people we love. We may even understand where these patterns began and why they continue. Yet despite that understanding, our lives often remain unchanged. This has led me to wonder whether understanding, while important, is only the beginning.
Understanding helps us recognize what is true. It allows us to make sense of our experiences, identify recurring patterns, and imagine another way of living. It offers clarity, and that clarity can be deeply meaningful. But understanding does not always lead to change.
Imagine someone who says, “I know exercise is good for me. I really should exercise more.” Most of us have had some version of that thought. The benefits are clear, yet that understanding often remains intellectual. Now imagine that same person after months of exercising consistently. They begin sleeping more soundly, feeling stronger, thinking more clearly, and noticing a greater sense of well-being throughout their day. Their motivation gradually shifts. They are no longer exercising because someone told them they should. They continue because they have experienced the difference for themselves. They trust what their own life has shown them and naturally seek out people and environments that support the life they are choosing to live. The information has not changed. The person has. What was once something they understood has gradually become something they know.
For me, this is the difference between understanding and knowing. Understanding tells us what may be true. Knowing is what we have lived deeply enough that we begin to trust it as our own. It is the difference between believing something intellectually and experiencing it so consistently that it becomes part of how we naturally live.
I often see a similar process unfold in psychotherapy. Many people come to therapy already understanding themselves remarkably well. They recognize recurring relationship patterns, understand how early experiences continue to shape them, and can often explain exactly why they struggle. Yet despite that understanding, they continue feeling stuck. Over time, however, something begins to shift. Through lived experience, reflection, and the safety of a trusting relationship, people often begin relating to themselves differently. They experiment with new ways of being, discover that some long-held fears do not unfold as expected, and gradually experience themselves with greater compassion, confidence, or freedom. These experiences accumulate until something that was once only understood begins to feel deeply known.
I do not think this process belongs exclusively to therapy. It can occur through close relationships, meaningful friendships, mentoring, parenting, spiritual practice, or other experiences that help us to live differently. Therapy is simply one place where this process can be intentionally cultivated. At its best, I believe psychotherapy helps people move beyond understanding themselves more clearly toward gradually coming to know themselves in a way they can trust. Over time, what initially required encouragement, support, and relationship becomes increasingly internalized. We begin living less from borrowed understanding and more from our own lived experience.
There is often a quiet quality to this kind of change. The inner debate softens. We spend less energy convincing ourselves what we should do and more energy simply living in accordance with what we have come to know. Our lives begin to feel more integrated, more authentic, and more fully our own. Perhaps genuine growth is less about discovering something entirely new than about learning to live from what we have gradually come to know.